Sunday, February 20, 2011
First, I was longing to finish high school and start college.
Then I was longing for a good career.
Then I was longing to marry and have children.
And then I was longing for my son to grow older...
Then I was longing for a paid up mortgage.
Then I was longing to retire.
So now it occurs to me
that I may not have fully appreciated the journey
while I was longing for all these things.
I'm a 67 year old (really!?) female, not fully in touch with how I got this old. I retired at 62, and it has taken me this long to regain my balance. More on that later.
When the subject of age 67 comes up:
Anyone under 49 says nothing and gives a look that says, "I can't comprehend that. You are a whole different life form."
Folks 50 to 60 would say, "Oh that's not that old!" because they don't want to think old yet. Denial is still fully in charge.
70 and over say, "Oh you're still young", because they'd rather think of it as their younger years. They are entering the era of taking pride in the number of years, gray hairs and ailments, and want to put down any competition.
Only those in their 60's would nod knowingly when I admit my age. "Ah, yes."
And if anyone says, "You're as old as you feel", they will receive one of my "drop dead" looks since there are too many days that I feel 67 going on 100, and have to work hard to think positive!
I really want to think that the 60's are an awkward transitional phase (sort of like the teen's) and that the next decade will bring something a bit less unsettling. If it isn't, don't tell me, just let me hang on to that illusion.
I read somewhere that all adults (over 40) still "feel" 30'ish mentally. In some ways that may be very true. I still can't accept the fact that I can no longer move a sofa bed down a flight of stairs without help... or even with help. *sigh* And it was just forced upon my consciousness the other day, that I will never lose these extra 60 pounds mostly around my belly. This is largely because I can no longer walk over half a block without huffing and puffing.
Well, enough of the negative! What do I like about my advancing years?
I like the fact that no one seems to expect me to move sofa beds down stairs or walk like an athlete in training.
I can get by with some of the extra weight since I'm a "different life form" anyway to those under 49, and those older are beginning to deal with their own weighty issues.
I like the lack of schedules and deadlines. My life used to consist of work with a few short breaks. Now it is more like one long break with a few spurts of work.
I like having the time and immodesty to sit down and write this! And I don't even have to write something every single day!