Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Procrastination, Change and Technology

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
~Mark Twain

I'm continuing to become more and more skilled in procrastination. I don't even want to look back and see how long I've put off coming here. I don't think I have a huge following that I need to apologize to. But I am puzzled about how I could find something so rewarding as blogging, then tire of it or let it go so quickly.

What's new in my life that might have gotten in the way? One thing stands out that's not so much new as as it is like a creeping growing storm cloud. My mother will be turning 91 next week, and our days of meaningful conversation are now infrequent and decreasing. My prayer is for her to have less depression, anger and suspicion. The confusion and disorientation aren't as troublesome as long as she is in a pleasant and contented mood. Some days I feel the burden of her, but most days I just feel the sadness of her slipping away. How is it that we have no real concept of this stage of life, hers or mine, when we are thirty something? I watched her care for her mother through the same things, yet my time for this seemed ages away, or almost like it would never happen. Not many days go by without a phone call from a nurse at the nursing home about Mom's illnesses, falls, medication changes or other reports. I automatically expect to hear a nurse's voice each time I answer the phone. I don't say it, but my thought is "what now?" followed by relief when it's something minor. It's reached the point where I can't call her on her phone. She doesn't answer or isn't in her room. Occasionally she has a good day and is able to call me, but most of the time says her phone doesn't work. The worst call from her was about a week or two ago. She got angry about something and I thought she hung up on me. But when I visited, I found the charge base for her phone way under her bed where she had to have thrown it. This just isn't the Mom I've known all my life. This dementia, or whatever it is, just keeps chipping away her personality like some gobbling monster. Well, now I've vented about the central current issue in my life. It does help to verbalize it even if just in written form.

Next thing with this growing procrastination might be the decreasing tolerance of technology changes. I find it hard to believe that I got a Dragon Speech Recognition Software gift for Christmas last year, yes 2012, and haven't used it at all yet. It was something I really wanted to help me write more here, and maybe even some more poetry or other writing. Well, a year has gone by and I've done less writing that ever. I could sit and try to think of the reasons or excuses, but that just seems unproductive. Oh well, why not evaluate the reasons! I've had two more computers wear out and had to buy one with Windows 8. Makes me sigh and wonder just how many more steep learning curves I will be able to conquer. I turned 70 last month and I'm very tempted to use age as an excuse for avoiding several things: snow shoveling, lawn mowing, new technology, spring/fall housecleaning, window washing, etc. The thing is, I really can still do these things with some limits, so I think I need to stay active if I want to avoid brain and body atrophy. Plus I don't want to depend on others for things I can still do. One thing I don't mind is using my age as an excuse for my inability to remember people or names. Secretly that has always been a problem for me, but I fudged it not wanting folks to be offended that I didn't think enough of them to retain their name. Now I think I have enough gray hair to get by with asking, "Excuse me but my memory has gotten so poor I've forgotten your name." So aging does have it's perks!

Now I'm into going through my Mom's 20+ photo albums, reminiscing and trying to recall faces, names and dates before they slip into permanent obscurity. And I do intend to learn how to use that voice recognition software now that I've spent 3 months unraveling the mysteries and demons of Windows 8. I refuse to let procrastination, life changes or technology rule my life or throw me off balance even if they do make my brain hurt sometimes.

Even not knowing the language doesn't hide the hilarity of this fellow's technological impairment.
His daughter asks him how he likes the iPad they gave him for Christmas then the rest is obvious...

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